guess what...

Shar's broken up with Darren. Good news? Maybe. Haha.. funny how i have a knack for prediction:).. though I missed the month by about 1 month and 10 days...

well, where ever u are and wadever you do, good luck to you.

see ya.

ranting

It's the monday after the army half marathon... 21 km of absolute pure torture that every single operational 18 - 20 non-chao kenger has to go through. Today, I'm no better than a cripple, having muscle aches and cramps in my legs. Absolute bliss to spend it at home though...

Wonder how blogging has become such a ubiquity in today's society - everyone has one. Just today, it was reported that US soldiers are blogging about their thoughts and experiences in Iraq. The best quote is - "Be friendly when you get there. Everybody's armed" -Anon. Even XiaXue has had rave reviews about her blog - I'm just one who thinks her blog makes for good entertainment (remember talkingcock.com?) and I guess she really does put in a lot of time and effort into making her blog a success.

Latest blog on her site about Ian* (named changed) really struck me. I guess it struck a raw nerve in my system, about being over elitist and everything. I mean, Ian doesn't even come CLOSE to being elite. He's just an NUS honors grad working in the civil service. I feel elite, but somehow, I wish to be normal. I mean, who the fuck else has had like 20 years of constant pressure of excelling in studies, society, sports, arts, music blah blah blah. I remember not getting into the GEP in primary 4 - I got a broken toenail that disrupted my concentration during the 2nd paper. Yes I know, excuses, excuses excuses. I reconciled myself that I'm just not good enough, not smart enough.

But that "failure" in primary 4 probably set me up for better things in my life. I studied harder for PSLE than my ex-classmate who took the primary 4 GEP route and eventually got into the GEP programme in Sec 1.

That's when I went downhill...

I remember playing too much, being overly proud, being overconfident. I didn't study, didn't do ANY work (memories which up till now, I still am very proud of:), which cemented my status as a BAD student, a rebel without a cause.. But still a very musically talented one:) hahaha.. Ego talking here... I slacked thru Sec 1, Sec 2 and Sec 3... In fact, I was crap. I was up against the BEST the nation had to offer. I had people sitting two rows away who could quote Socrates, the guy sitting on my left could solve a Uni. Maths question, the guy behind was the softball captain and so on and so forth. In this cauldron of overachieving young BASTARDS, I had to struggle to even achieve what I did in primary school. So I did achieve - I was best at Starcraft, was among the top players in Warcraft II, spent ages at Diablo 2 trying to get to the top, played MUD as though my life depended on it.

Where did that get me? Into SSS in Sec 4 (Self study scheme). It was where the hopelessly non-acadaemically inclined were thrown into. I finally studied for my O levels:). I got 6 pts for prelim and lo and behold, overconfidence struck and I was left with 7 come O levels.

At least it was better than Shar, who had to cope with family upheaval problems during her O level year.

So I went JC. Achieved, not overly, and the best thing that ever happened to me happened. I finally was happy. Happy with my life not least because I had someone to share my life with, someone I could care about, someone that I loved and reciprocated without feeling indebted. I had no doubt those were the best years of my young life.

Then Army happened.


Funny how I had always blamed army for me and my ex's break-up. I never really talked about it to anyone else. I kept in bottled up in me, forging it into a hatred for the army, into hatred for happiness.. I guess I was really terror during my cadet course, I was just so lonely and withdrawn from the world...

I realised after the break-up, I was really quite a hard person to live with. On the outside, I am happy, jolly and smiling... But really, I sometimes prefer loneliness, I prefer my piano and myself, my guitar and myself. I seldom let anyone get close to me.

I guess being an elite does have its drawbacks. I was proud, over confident and I looked down on people that I do not like sometimes. I guess it's called jealousy:). People relations just elude me, I don't know why. Now I'm going overseas, so I guess if you really love somebody, you should just set her free and let her discover for herself what she really wants. I hope I can just carry on in life...


I still do care, I really do.




ranting

How interesting.

Yes I'm back blogging.. AGAIN.. looks like that the boredom of my life has finally gotten to me... I love to work, shit, and I am serious. I need a girlfriend now, someone to love again, someone to care about, and someone who cares about me... Seriously, now I am throwing myself fulltime into my work, something that does not last forever, something that is so frivolous, so inconsequential. Why am I blogging?

I realised that the best thing that has happened to me is my break up with shar. Guess she was becoming my life, too much in fact. I hate control, as in I hate anyone trying to control me, and I can guess what I was becoming. Control freak. Army has taught me that much, letting someone go to do what they love is more satisfying than breaking someone to your will. Being a PC has taught me a lot.

I hope my men will come to regard me as their friend. It is a lonely life as a PC, above everyone else, ordering people around, shooting arrows like legolas. Whether I like the priviledges, the responsibility, the power, I cannot say. I guess I just love to be around people. But the funny thing is, I can make friends more easily with females. Sigh

ranting

well... it's a nice sunday.. and i'm stuck at home.. Yes.. it's daddy's day.. sheesh.. I have a feeling this is gonna be a lame post.. but whatever.. kinda have a pretty shortsighted view of life nowadays. jesse has a blog, alex has a blog, now i'll have a blog!

Actually have always had a blog soooo... doesn't matter.. i need to destress.. need to chill.. damn...

I think army life sucks... Wad do you all think? No life, can't meet new people, can't make new friends, no time for friends, family, loved ones... When two lives diverge, there seems to be a lost... Carthatic in nature perhaps... Just continuation of the cycle of life... I'm super bored nowadays man.. Maybe i'll go play pool at parkway or smth.. Do smth.. Start a business, study accounting... Fuck.. Army robs you of your youth when you are at the most vibrant.. Hate this place.. Hate the SAF.. gawd...

Great.. Created a blog.. I'm bored:)... haha.. Been clubbing every weekend... This is Mad.. Life sux... I need my guitar and a whole lot of creative juices man... That's it... Tata