Those who know me know that I have a little leftover from my Christianity days in my wallet - a little card with "I am a responsible boy" on one side, and "I am a responsible girl" on the other.
So on this card, it reads:
1) The parents of my girlfriend place their trust in me, I will not violate it.
2) I will respect my girl friend as I expect other men to respect my sister.
3) I will respect womanhood because my mother is a woman.
4) I will not ask my girl friend to do nothing that I would be ashamed of if my mother found it out.
5) My gf has given me honour and pleasure to her company
6) It is wrong for me to expect more in payment for this date
7) my gf will be a wife and mother some day. She must be an example to her children and the pride of her husnband. I will help her to be as pure and decent as I want my own wife to be.
8) Manhood means strength of character as well as body. Lack of self control is a sign of weakness. I want my gf to know I am manly.
9) God is everywhere, sees everything, knows everything. Darkness may hide me from people, but it cannot hide me from God.
Some points: Ignore point number 9, because frankly, I don't really want any religious or biased views. In fact, the current debate over PMS (pre-marital sex), (not pre-menstrual stress), is mainly the conservative Christians versus the liberals. Well, the conservative Chinese are in the Christian corner as well, but throwing religion into this debate is just like throwing eggs at me. - messy and useless.
So it is with some interest that I observe the contents of my wallet today. A leftover from my 14 year old days, together with a square consumer good manufactured from latex in India. (which of course, has remained in there for a very very long time. My roommate gave it to me:).
After being in America for sometime now, I realise that there is something magical about putting 17-19 year olds together, away from home for extended periods of time. You start hearing groans and creaks from above your dorm, and shouts and (shhhhhh) sounds from right next door (personal experience). And the entire college dorm environment is just sooo... convenient for quickies - closet -check, room, -check, classroom -check (at night). Especially with free booze and frat parties and you have the classic ingredients for an episode of girls-gone-wild or college-drunk-parties.com. And what makes it even more acceptable is that it is SOOO prevalent, and going by the "fitting-in" culture of college life, everyone just starts accepting and stop criticising.
Which brings me to a very interesting point about PMS. Many people are still against it, but then, they gradually start accepting it, with pressure from friends, bfs, - you know, the hey, why are you so uptight? and so uncool?... and frankly, I don't know where I stand on this issue anymore.
Maybe it's the male thinking. A hard to ignore (pardon the pun), extension to your body that just sticks out (really really pardon the pun) and is so obvious. (okay now, stop it). After all, the abundance of porn and the internet means that guys jerk off at least once a day (Admit it). So they start wondering what sex is like, and what it's all made out to be.
Gone are the days where people wait till they get married. Frankly, I'm a realist. I don't expect my future wife to be a virgin. That's a commodity that's as rare as a good voice from me. And with the current "Sex-sells" catchphrase in marketing and on MTV today, you're going to find younger and younger children who know about sex - hell, last I read, some 11 year old in Britain was already having sex with her 12 year old bf.
And so you brag to your friends about it. (isn't that what all guys do). but what if you really really love someone? Would it cheapen a relationship? Some say PMS makes a relationship stronger. Others say it doesn't. Frankly, I believe in the latter - after all, if you spend all the time having sex, very soon, u're not going to enjoy walks by the beach, or swimming in the pool. All you're going to want to do is to just have sex 24/7, or until it drops off.
So it's not healthy for a relationship or is it? I don't know. Married couples have sex because there is a strong trust and respect already in place. In PMS, the respect is lost, and the girl doesn't trust anymore. That makes for a lousy marriage in my opinion, and would be gone faster than Rachel and Ross's marriage.
So what is it? That guy wants sex- and also wants to respect the girl. The girl doesn't -but wants to prove she loves the guy. Where is this tit for tat, pull and shove going? Nowhere. The best cure I can think of for all American college kids is to place them in military bunks -12 to a room. Then, they'll just find a broom closet to have sex in.
On another note - went swimming in a german public pool yesterday. Couples making out in front of Children in the pool - GOD, i don't wanna know what's in the water. And Danya (my colleague's child) is very very cute. It's amazing how children can be so irritating at 10 years old (my brother) when they're family, and so adorable when they're not.
Then again, children is a blog topic to be put on hold - till I'm 25 at least:). Wait a moment, I already have a draft :-).
lip
ranting
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7 comments:
a few points:
being sexually active at 17-19 is natural. this i am convinced of, both as a guy and as a girl. i don't think society's conditioning plays a part here, it is a primal impulse. come on. i'm not saying societal conditioning is useless, you're right, it may be based on logical reasons such as "studies are more important" or "you don't want to take care of a baby" or "let's save it for when it's special" all perfectly good reasons.
but i don't like the way girls are always portrayed as the victim. yes, definitely there are examples of girls giving in "in exchange for love" but come on there are so many nymphos out there who don't mind. i can show you a lot of counterexamples, blogs etc. and not all guys walk around with their cock hanging out, similarly.
11-12 is just sick. i agree. and that has smth to do with society. but wanting to have sex at 17-19 has nothing to do with pornography or mass media, and everything to do with hormones, and because simply you're at an age you can. they've shown that masturbation occurs in the absence of porn, and you can ask the western samoans if they have sex at 17 too. "cultural relativism" just doesn't cut it here. i argue even that religion, sexual curbs etc came AFTER man was made to have sex. any anthropologists?
true.
Then again, sex at 17 is a product of values too. After all, who said that sex is "bad" or wrong? Christians? Confucious? Or just your dad and mum?
I agree with your point that sex is definitely a primal impulse that all human beings have. It's just the perception of sex as being bad/wrong that is ingrained in many youngsters nowadays. After all, a quick search on google will always have resources on why sex is bad, but never on why sex is NOT bad.
And yeah, =p always good to discuss with an old friend.
yeah... "sex is neutral" doesn't quite have the same ring as "sex is bad" or "sex is good".
i guess the need to form ethical judgements is also another primal human instinct.
rofl jesse babe, you can't take your two michelles as examples. i assure you that up to 80% of the (singaporean) female population aren't very interested. 50% wouldn't care if they never had sex. and about 30% are rather put off by the whole icky idea and would just do it to have children.
furthermore, you know, most girls just think so damn much about their relationship that pms becomes a bad idea. i swear it's like they have a thermostat taped to their forehead labelled 'is he ignoring me?' if the needle dips past the red mark they go into fits.
so if if our girls here have even the faintest doubts about 'pms' they'll blame whatever rough patch the relationship is on for being too easy. blame self blame self. you can extrapolate from there. BADDDDD idea.
but considering how lip isn't expecting his wife to be a virgin maybe i just have all the neurotics for friends. also i'm a born mysogynist and therefore tend to see most girls as fragile little daisies so i'm not the most objective party.
ps sorry lip for hijacking your comment thread :) you see how agitated jesse is about the topic, he has to rant to me about it in the morning just before i go to work
LOL.... Take it to the bedroom... I mean.. Discussion room. Then again, maybe this whole sex thing is blown wayyy out of proportion by the media:), agreed on the 80-50-30 proportion of SG women who don't even think about it. After all, Durex surveys don't lie
well, personally, i wouldn't like 30% much. though they probably have their own reasons, witness this:
john ruskin, a famous art critic and poet was so used to aesthetically pleasing images of women with no pubic hair that on the night they were married he was so disgusted by his wife's genitalia that he ran away and got it annulled, on the basis that his wife was freakish and deformed.
so sex is icky and gross, i can see why. maybe that is why it can only be accomplished by horribly stupid people i.e. people who are drunk, in love or exceptionally horny.
man 30%. that's 1 in 3, i have to be careful.
sorry... last comment, i promise!
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