Am I scarred for life?

Maybe. Will there ever be someone for me? Who can take my pile of shit that I constant fling into oblivion? My mum tried. She left for New York after 15 years. My dad tried. He trusts me to take care of myself now. I tried.

Sometimes, I think love is selfish. You constantly want someone to be by your side, to be with you, to be able to be there. You want attention, you want someone who cares. And you want someone who understands.

Can anyone ever understand? Or do we just float around as individuals? Maybe reliance on oneself would be the ideal form of existence, like Rosseau's natural man before society came into existence. Then you are answerable to yourself.

Sometimes, it hurts. I'm reminded why I'm here in the USA again. I'm here to start anew, to leave my life back in Singapore. Why am I still cynical? Maybe it's a music thing. Oh well... I hate it when you're disappointed in me...

Though my body's broken
And my spirit is weak
My soul is awoken
As I hear someone speak
Please come back my lover
Now your future lies here
Please come back to Tir n'a Noir

-Tir n'a Noir by Emi Fujita

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley?

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold

-Fields of Gold by Emi Fujita


lip
ranting