Love... Hurts

It started innocuously enough. A message, a website, a click.

Then the thoughts started coming.

What if... Why do I feel this way... Am I being controlling, selfish, manipulative... Why do I feel hurt... Why does my imagination run... Why?...

Trust issues? Then it's me right, it's my fault. It's always you in the end... I guess, people don't really want to love because it's a thin line between loving someone and hating someone, and just... being hurt.


Does love have to hurt?

Love does not have to hurt but it often seems to. When you listen to the music of love you will hear it telling stories about the pain and sorrow of unfulfilled love. Someone left, someone cheated, or someone died and left someone sad and alone. Love is such a strong positive emotion that it is inevitable that there will be some pain associated with it at some time. This is Nature's law of opposites. For every force there is an equal and opposite force to hold it in balance. As much as our love would soar as a bird on the air, there is gravity to bring it back to earth…sometimes falling but usually gliding.

Passion, is a bird on wing in the thin air of the highest sky without a net. Passion is blissful delight. It's exciting, thrilling, and we feel so alive. You remember your first love and you always will while those that follow diminish in the distance and fade in the past. First love and passion unlock so many feelings that it's hard to describe them all: euphoria, peace, tenderness, tingling, jealousies, and complete connection are but a few. Passion is a sweet anesthesia that blinds us to anything that might come between us. Love, in the passion stage, holds a power for that moment that can overcome everything.

When judgment is replaced with passion, people tend to make different decisions than they otherwise would. You dated and maybe even married that person even though you sensed that there were major differences between you. You somehow thought that they weren't important or that they would change. Then you realized, when the passion wore off as it always does, that maybe things weren't as great as you thought. That realization and the following break-up were hard. It hurt. It seems as though love always hurts.

The truth, however, is that love does not hurt but it is the falling out of love or not having love that really hurts. And the higher you are, such as in the heights of passion or the tower of a long-term love, the harder the fall. A break-up, divorce, death, or abandonment are some of the most painful experiences of life because we miss our love so much.

We all need two things in life 1. To not be alone or feel alone, and 2. To be appreciated and loved for whom we are. Love brings us together and loneliness reminds us that we are missing something in life. You may not even understand it but the forces are there. We seek fulfillment in the love of others when we often need to love ourselves just as much.

"Love is the passionate and abiding desire on
the part of two or more people to produce
together conditions under which each can
be, and spontaneously express, his real self:
to produce together an intellectual soil and an
emotional climate in which each can flourish,
far superior to what either could achieve alone."

From Apples of Gold - unattributed quote

Further more...

Jealous according to Webster’s New World Dictionary means:

* Very watchful or careful in guarding or keeping.
* Resentfully suspicious of a rival or a rival’s influence

Jealousy is a fear of losing your partner to someone else.

Jealousy is one of the many emotions that we can experience in an intimate relationship.

A little jealousy can be good for a relationship. We tend to interpret this emotion as love and it can keep us from taking each other for granted.

He can be jealous if he feels his partner honors or respects another man over him. If she admires another man’s strengths instead of acknowledging that her own partner has such strengths, then that may cause him to be jealous.

She can be jealous if he spends time with coworkers, secretaries or the like including having lunch or dinner with the opposite sex. Women tend to not trust the "other woman" more than not trusting her man.

Jealousy can hurt a relationship if it becomes an obsession in which you do not trust your partner and feel that you have to watch their every move. Questioning them constantly about where they have been and who they have been with. Insinuating that they have done something wrong or have cheated. Calling them several times a day, having them carry a beeper, cell phone or the like so you can be in contact with them many times a day. Making assumptions that they are cheating can hurt the relationship.

What can you do if you are feeling jealous in a relationship?

1. Couples can admit to being jealous.

2. Sit and talk about how they feel and point out the times that they feel most vulnerable.

3. Point out to the partner what behavior you are having problems with and then negotiate a way to deal with the problem.

4. Validate your partner’s feelings. Don’t say "you shouldn’t be jealous" or "don’t’ you trust me". Accept your partner’s feelings, respect them and then try to find a way to help avoid doing things that may trigger those feelings. Everyone has a right to their own feelings. They are not wrong for feeling a certain way and most of us just want validation and understanding for having those feelings. We all want to be understood and accepted.

5. If you really love and respect your partner then you will make adjustments to your behaviors that may be contributing to causing your partner to feel jealous. For example: If you always flirt with the waitress when you are out together for a meal or drink and your partner feels uncomfortable with you doing this, then don't try to justify it by saying "I'm a big flirt, or you know I like to flirt". Instead be aware of your behavior and make adjustments so your partner won't feel uncomfortable.

We suggest you come up with a code word that only the two of you know about and when one of you is doing something that makes the other one feel uncomfortable or jealous then just say the code word so your partner can take action and refrain from that behavior. this "code word" will save a lot of arguing and problems if it is used and responded to immediately. You can later discuss what has happened in the privacy of your own home where no one else can hear your discussion

from this website

Which explains why mothers can't get along with daughters in law. I have grown apart from a few close friends. Mainly because of bf issues. Others, well, I've just been lazy to keep in touch.

I think I'll wait for the sunrise. The sky is turning blue out there.

There's something about the late night syndrome that gets people in the mood for deep thoughts.

lip
ranting