1) Make her your whole existence
you heard me right. your gotta love her so much, you two are inseparable. 2000 SMSes a month? Not enough to profess your love. Make that 100'000 SMS. Call her every night to say "I love you". And listen to her breathe. That's right. Breaths can be the best thing to say I love you with. And fall asleep while chatting, because you want her to be the last thing you hear before you hit the deck.
2) Deny her her existence
Get jealous of her showing off her body in a bikini? Ban her from going to the beach. Or swimming. Or anywhere where there's remotely 1 guy who's going to look at her without your protective gaze. (of course, when you're with her, you are just going to look at her and not at her surroundings to "protect" her). Insist that she stays at home when you aren't free to be with her, and that she does not go out with other people at all. Girlfriends are okay, but WOE to her if she meets up with a guy while "out with the girls".
3) Do things together, all the time
She likes cross stitch? Take up cross stitch, so you can be with her at her place or yours and enjoy cross stitching together. She likes shopping? Be her shopping partner all the time. Know her bra size, vital statistics, favourite brands, favourite places to shop etc etc etc. Always look bored after the 123871245761724th time of entering the same shop and looking at the same piece of clothing she has in her closet but in a slightly darker shade of blue. Oh and, ogle every girl you can look at as well. It's your right.
4) Talk about ex-girlfriends and compare them with her.
Sally had bigger boobs, Mandy was the nympho and Candy really let you do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. So why can't you be the same as Kelly/Molly/Sandy?
5) You're the MAN!
When i say sex, i want sex. I'm the quintessential man. I get what I want, when I want it. Fuck be to you. And i'm so fucking great, i blow my trumpet all the time I am out with you, and belittle every single fucker who has graced your fucking existence since: THEY CAN'T COMPARE WITH ME! I'M THE BIGGEST AND THE GREATEST!
6) You're the Wimp!
Ditch the SNAG. It's Gay.
7) Shut the fuck up.
Don't ever communicate with her. Just grunt. Like
Her:"Honey, do you think this blouse is nice?"
You:*grunt*.
Her:"Where
would you like to eat?"
You:*grunt*
A grunt says that you're a manly man, not some wussy. Grunt more often during sex, and shut the fuck up afterwards. Don't even cuddle. You need to sleep.
*yawn* getting tired.
These are the ones that I could think just top of my head at the moment. I'm sorry, I really am. I was such an ass (now i realise)
*grunt*
lip
ranting
2 comments:
Now i know... You can be quite a jerk too if you want to.. heez
everyone can be a jerk:) lol
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