Leaving Soon

And here I am, 3rd September. 10 more days before I leave the sunny island for windy Chicago.

A friend asked me if I was ready to go last night. Am I? Somehow, you have waited so long to be gone, and when the moment finally descends upon you, you are struck by the finality of it all.

I am leaving behind a broken friendship, a (semi-)successful band (go Leftovers!), friends whom I've known for long, friends whom I have just made, family, cousins. Essentially, I'm leaving a life that I've known since I was conscious of my surroundings.

But then again, it ain't that different from spending time in the army. The biggest difference I can see is that instead of that Ching buddy you have besides your BMT bedside, you have a Pakistani New-Yorker as your room mate.

Attachments have been made and cast aside long ago. There is nothing left here for me to stay for. Although my memories of this place will always lead me to call this place my home, I am looking for a new life elsewhere.

And to think that back in army, I wanted to go SMU and stay in Singapore because there was something I thought was worth staying back for.

Bullshit. Sometimes, we humans have to be pragmatic. And selfish. Think only about yourself, inward looking and what you can achieve. Sometimes, I miss that guy back in 2003, thinking about others (ok, 1 other), and willing to make sacrifices that now, are fucking dumb just even to think about it.

So perhaps until someone comes along WORTH the big sacrifices, I shall do what is best for ME. And then again, others have made those sacrifices, and realised in the end how foolish it was to choose her over themselves. Especially when it all ends in tears and foolishness.

And frankly, it's hard to learn to love again.


lip
ranting